Guilt

13 Jan

My weekday activities are often governed by guilt. Whilst I have no qualms about sitting around reading a novel, or watching hours of old Sex and the City episodes at the weekend, I don’t feel I can do the same Monday – Friday. Why? Because my husband is at work, and so it doesn’t seem fair/right/ethical/<<insert own ridiculous notion here>> that I’m doing fun things. Instead I insist that if I’m at home I should be cleaning the oven or tidying up cupboards that don’t really need tidying! If I think about picking up a book after lunch I’m consumed with worry that I’m being too self-indulgent and instead should risk minor indigestion by jumping up to empty the just-finished dishwasher.

I suspect this is a female thing. I’m quite sure that if hubby was a househusband he would happily play the Xbox and spend most of the day watching Fox Sports, just rousing himself to get the dinner on. That’s not a criticism of him; if anything, it’s quite admirable that he can be master of his own time without some nagging little voice in his head saying that he should really be fixing something or taking the rubbish out right now.

Essentially I’m still unused to not having a job. Prior to moving here, I thought the only time in my life that I wouldn’t be working would be when I have children (which is easily two full time jobs) or if some horrible illness prevented me from doing so. It would be different if I were a superb housewife – a gifted cook that spent hours making fabulous suppers, or a keen gardener that created stunning flowerbeds (and also had a garden to do this in!). But, the fact is I’m more talented in the office and so often when my husband comes home, if I haven’t been out volunteering, I wonder what achievements I have to show for my day other than getting an average dinner in the oven in a sparkly clean kitchen!

Ironically, I know that when I do start work, I will yearn for the days when I could do whatever I liked during the week – and wonder why I didn’t. So one of my new year’s resolutions is going to have to be this: to stop being my own worst enemy! I also want to start working my way through one of my Christmas presents – The Hummingbird Bakery Cookbook. Although I cannot guarantee that baking things made of sugar and chocolate will fix the issue of not having anything to show for my day – unless you count the leftover crumbs on the plate… 🙂

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4 Responses to “Guilt”

  1. Chris 13 January, 2011 at 4:36 pm #

    Love this post Su. It is true that you will wish you did those girly “you” time things when you are back running around like a headless chicken with no you time. Go for it xx

    • suscatty 13 January, 2011 at 5:58 pm #

      Thanks Chris. I know I definitely will, as (hopefully) the next time I’m not working I’ll be changing nappies and getting 2 hours sleep! I need to remember that when I feel guilty for picking up my book and having a read in the quiet! xx

  2. Colin 14 January, 2011 at 11:51 pm #

    I agree, it is easy to feel guilty, but you need to enjoy it while you can. You always yearn for what you don’t have. I also wouldn’t be adverse to you mastering your cookbook as long as you are looking for tasters. 🙂

    • suscatty 15 January, 2011 at 9:34 am #

      Thanks Colin! Unfortunately living with Rich vastly reduces the likelihood of there being anything left to taste, but then he may also keep up the habit of whipping up another batch and bringing them into work! 🙂 x

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